August is a month of 3 significant births - our nation, our family home, and my sister, Rosemary, a year after the first two.
There are so very many stories that surround the life of my sister that I hardly know where to begin. I’ve even mentioned some of them here in this blog. But the one I think of most when I think of who she really is deep down inside is one I have never told anyone else.
Rosemary was in her first job, and had just received her first pay packet. I remember we were in Asia Jaya Complex when she said she wanted to buy something for all of us. A single gift that we could all enjoy. This was in the late 70s and I later found out Rosemary’s pay was then some way below RM200 a month. Dad had for some reason only he knew, bought a stereo system for the house which had an 8-track player. Trouble is that we had no 8-track cartridges at all, so there we were in Asia Jaya, outside a record shop on the first floor when the decision was made to buy an 8-track cartridge.
I’m not sure who chose it but Francis ended up with an original 8-track cartridge of Linda Ronstadt’s Greatest Hits in his hand, waiting to pay. Rosemary asked how much it was and I remember it cost close to RM50. Rosemary gulped - it was, after all, more than a quarter of her entire month’s pay - but she took out a RM50 note and we took Linda Ronstadt home with us.
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| OK this is a CD cover but you try getting a nice picture of an 8-track cartridge of this... |
And played the heck out of that cartridge. Silver Threads and Golden Needles, Desperado, That’ll Be The Day, Tracks of My Tears… the songs boomed out for weeks before we eventually got more cartridges.
Why do I think of this story, this seemingly innocuous incident? Well, it’s, in three short paragraphs, as good a picture of Rosemary as you will probably get.
When we celebrated her 50th birthday with a huge garden party, scores of friends and relatives turned up. We created a theme ‘Everything to Everyone’ and all who saw that understood and agreed it aptly described Rosemary.
Ask almost anyone from Section 5 PJ, SFX Church, the Catholic community in the area, the scores of relatives the Cheongs have, even the Chen Moh School and Catholic High School (which her kids attended) staff and alumni, and they would nod in agreement too.
Rosemary has arguably touched more lives than any of us and in ways more personally significant than any of us have. When Dad passed away, Rosemary and Yap moved in to stay with Mum to keep her company. She was there all through Mum’s gradual decline, seeing to her daily needs. She was her medic, her nutritionist, her bather, her chauffeur to wherever she needed to go… and much more.
And she was so much to so many others too.
And so, rather than write about that, I decided to ask a few people instead. So here are what a few of our friends and relatives have to say about my sister, in their own words.
Marianne Rozario:
“Always ready and willing to lend a helping hand, often with nary a thought for herself. That's Rosemary.”
Carol Rozario:
“Rosemary is a wonderful generous soul. Always thinking of everyone else.”Carol had sent this to me only a few moments after I asked her and when I went ‘Wow, that’s fast!’ she replied:
“It’s easy to write cause she is all that and more!”
Dina Rozario:
"Rosemary.... a daughter, sister, mother, auntie, cousin, relative and friend. Always cheerful, more than happy to give a helping hand and a beautiful person. Happy Blessed Birthday Rosemary. May you be blessed with abundant good health, joy, love and happiness!"
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| Rosemary and Yap on their wedding day. |
Genieve Cheong:
“What do I remember the most about Rose? Rose is like the “Ghost Busters” only thing is she is not busting ghosts. The slogan befits her even till today as “Who do you call?”. She is one of the most warm-hearted and tenacious person I know. This is not just because she is my cousin but she is this way to everyone. Never a time will she decline to help if she can, nor make excuses to not want to give a helping hand even though she has so many things that need to be done or to look after her ailing mother, ferrying the children to and fro or having to run household errands. Her tireless attitude and selflessness is a shining example that all of us count on when there are things that need a hand.
My most memorable moments with Rose and one I am forever in gratitude off is when my own mom passed. Rose helped to arrange all the necessary funeral arrangements, prayer nights, food for the people who attended, mass in church and so so much more that it was uncountable. However most of all, she was the rock I held on to in my time of deepest sorrow. It was worse when I had to sort through my mother’s things but Rose understood and she did the most of the sorting out. I would never forget her kindness to me and my deepest gratitude. Continue being the shining light. I would like so much to wish her a most blessed and happy birthday. That she would always be blessed with good health, lots of love and much wisdom in life.”
Elizabeth Rozario:
“Rosemary is selfless & kind, with a wicked sense of humour , which must be a Cheong trait ! She’s very good for a giggle when things get absurd”
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| Rosemary on the far right, being good for a giggle. |
Caroline Wong:
Caroline had a few stabs at it and I attach all:
“Cousin Rosemary is v kind considerate person who was there for mum Auntie Mary”
“Cousin Rosemary was v kind when my father passed on to help with the necessary funeral arrangements”
“Cousin Rosemary was v generous when Uncle Paul contacted her to lend items used by Auntie Mary for my dad who was unable to move his legs after sudden discharge from Selayang Hospital”
“Cousin Rosemary is always there with Yap for their children”
Angela Vincent:
“What I love in Rosemary is her beautiful, heatwarming smile and her quiet generosity which many a times goes unnoticed. My family is so, so grateful Rose for being there for us during dad's illness and at his passing. She helped mum in organising the renovations to the bathroom before dad's return home after the 2nd stroke and was with us prior to and thro the wake and after at dad's passing. she negotiated things with the undertakers which we coldn't do ourselves. We just had to mentiion something and it got seen too. most of all we treasure her presence and friendship in our lives. I thank God for Rosemary and pray for her with joy. Know this, Rose, the Lord loves you deeply and is constant in His affection for you.”
Yuen Kit May:
“Rosemary, good company and always willing to help when needed.”And when I asked if she had personal experience of that, she replied:
“You mean other than driving me around almost every day when I had my slipped disc last year 😃”
Lily Jane:
“Rosemary is a beautiful person inside and out with a big, loving and generous heart. I am very fortunate to call her my friend!”
Kar Im:
“She is committed in things she believes in and will be all out. Generous and giving nature n a protective mum.”I asked her if she could recall any personal stories and she came back with a funny one:
“There was one incident at the primary school, whereby she got so irritated by the honking of car behind, she killed her engine and she Sat in the car n refuse to bulge at school dismissal time. The extra jam was hilarious n frustrating. She din care. I had a few calls from people who knew we were friends to call n cajole her. I did not want face her fury😱.”
“Yes, little things people take for granted. She will go pick Kim up to go church. She will pick me up n go for a drive as we do errands not ours sometimes just to catch up. Everything she does is selfless n beyond.
She keeps an eye on mariamah when she was ill. The house with the hole in the roof. She worries for the resident laments to me how to help them... The altar server, she is always there. Grab service for their outings.”
Peter and Cynthia Rozario:
“We are forever grateful to you for taking care of Ashley throughout her schooling days. There 's no sufficient words to say to someone who always gives and hardly ever takes. We wish you a very happy birthday and may you have more birthdays to come.”
Ashley Rozario:
“Happy Birthday Aunty Rosemary!The times I went to ur house after school and before, I could tell your actions and words we're full of genuine sincerity, you're a very helpful person and a very hardworking one too and I'm happy you have more time for yourself now, cheers for more years to come and thank you for taking care of me :)”
Marianne Vincent:
Marianne sent me an unfinished poem about my Mum and Rosemary and here is an excerpt from it which talks of Rosemary:
“Your daughter
Helped us with big and small
At the start, throughout, and at the end.
And after the end.
It’s not only that she did small, everyday things
(there’s nothing small about doing everyday things for ten years)
Getting groceries, bringing food over and a thousand other errands.
She was also there to help us with big things:
renovate the house before Dad got back home
At the end, that final day, at 3 or 4am she was in our home
discussing final arrangements, getting food after he passed away, being there with us
when we talked to funeral director.”
I only asked a few people - those I could contact. There are scores more I could not contact. Some, sadly, are no longer with us:
My cousin Pauline suffered terribly from diabetes and the loss of limbs and the pain of dialysis, but most of all from the lack of fatherly affection in her time of need. Rosemary and her Mum were her shields as she suffered and when my Aunt also suddenly passed on, Rosemary remained steadfastly there to keep things going - she drove Pauline to dialysis twice a week, she made sure she had meals and proper medical care and more. Indeed, at the moment of her passing, Rosemary was there by her side. And even beyond - the one who made the necessary subsequent arrangements was Rosemary.
My aunts and uncles who have also passed on will have surviving family members who will say the same things of Rosemary’s contribution in their time of need:
“Rosemary organised everything”
“Rosemary sorted it all out for us”
“Rosemary was always there.”
“We couldn’t have managed without Rosemary.”
“She was everything when we needed help.”
So there you have it. In many ways, Rosemary is the perfect sum of my parents. Like my Dad, she quietly networks and knows not the Datuks and Tan Sris, but the people who make life happen. Want some medicines? She’ll call Tong Woh for you. Need to know if Jackson’s Burger is open? She’ll call Mr Han and find out. Want some food catered for a party? Rosemary will sort it out with Alice or whoever else.
Like my Mum, she will explode in a fiery temper when she needs to. That story of her sitting in the car because some idiot could not stop honking is hilarious. But so Rosemary…
And the one thing both my parents did is care about people. And this, Rosemary does to the highest degree.
Someone said to me once that I am lucky to have Rosemary as a sister. I replied that we’re all lucky to have Rosemary in our lives. And she agreed.
Happy 61st birthday, Rosemary. Thanks for being Everything to Everyone.
