Mum-meries 5: Fire! Fire!

I like to tell others about how my parents were very strict and that not only did they wallop us with a cane, they also bought the cane in a roll rather than by short lengths: when one length wore out, they simply cut a new one.

The truth is that I was never really punished severely. Tony says I was spoilt and to some extent I tend to agree with him - perhaps though, only in comparison with their thrashings.

I was rather afraid of Dad for some reason. He didn’t say very much you see, but in truth he only once raised his voice at me and that was when I was 19 and had been staying out late too much. “You think this is a hotel?!” really was uttered in my home.

Mum, I was closer to and understood better. My interactions with her were more frequent and I kinda knew where I stood with her. And to be honest, though I never knew how to express it, and despite some other issues between us, she was Mummy and I loved her. Still do.

On one particular day though, I don’t think my feelings were quite so affectionate. Fearful, terrified and just about pee-in-my-pants scared would better describe them.

I was quite young then - not even school-going age I think. My sister, Rosemary, was doing some craft at home and messing about with candles and newspapers in the hall. I wandered over and after a while of watching, rolled up a bit of newspaper and lit it from the candle. Fascinated by the flame, I watched as it slowly ate away at the length of tightly rolled paper, consuming print and pictures as it made its way down…down…down… towards my little fingers.

Suddenly aware of  the proximity of the flame, I knew I had to do something but what? I went to the window to throw it out but then suddenly thought I might end up burning the house down. That would not do!

So what next?!

How?

What should I do?!

Well, what does a person do with something he doesn’t want anymore?

Throw it in the bin, what else?

And I did and sauntered off to look for something else to amuse myself with.

A minute later, I was in the middle room, still looking for something to do when I heard a scream ‘Ahhhhhhhh!’ then watched as my sister ran screaming past me down the short corridor. A few moments later she ran back in the opposite direction, armed with a pail of water. I knew something was wrong and that I somehow had something to do with it.

I closed the door and locked it. I may have been spoilt but I sure knew when I would be thrashed.
True enough, a few moments later there was a loud banging on the door. My mother pounded on the door Bam Bam Bam and screamed in Cantonese - you knew it was really bad when she screamed in Cantonese - ‘Sui Chai! Hoi Moon!’ “Evil boy! Open the door!”

That was the moment the fear and terror began though fortunately not the pee. I stubbornly refused to unlock the door - the only thing that separated me from the wailing banshee on the other side.

Eventually she wore me down. She was Mummy after all. But I was smart too! I’d let her in alright, but I had a cunning plan! I would hide! And so I unlocked the door then quickly hid behind it. Hey I didn’t say I was that bright then… She rushed in, cane in hand and immediately looked behind the door, pulled me out and that was when she caned me.

I really don’t remember the caning. I do know it didn’t last long and I do know nothing much else caught fire and the water and ash was cleaned up and the fire - including the one in my mother’s body - was quickly put out.

Perhaps this was the only time I was caned. I don’t remember. It wasn’t the only time I was scolded but when I look back on this and other incidents now, I am consumed - slowly but brightly like the fire on the newspaper - by an overwhelming affection and love for my mother and my family. For our shared stories. For the good stuff we did get to enjoy. And even for the house we still have today - despite the best efforts of some - oh, OK ‘one’ - of us to burn down.

Fire the lot of them

I’ve wanted to write a bit about how I think the Singapore Police Force has gotten just that little bit useless but just haven’t found the time to until today. A few events I’ve witnessed or personally experienced in the last few years have given me this impression and I will certainly describe them soon.
Right now however, I will relate the events of this afternoon.

Travelling along the PIE on our way back to the office, Joe and I saw a plume of smoke some distance ahead just about the same time cars started slowing down. Thinking it might be a fire, I pulled to the left lane and when Joe confirmed it was a car on fire, I got onto the emergency lane and drove up to a little less than 100 metres from a burning Volvo. A truck had stopped ahead of it and two people - who later turned out to be the driver and her son - were standing on the road shoulder looking on. I grabbed the two fire extinguishers I had in the boot, passed one to Joe and we ran up to the car.

As we passed the lady I ascertained no one was trapped in the car and that the fire services had been called.

I recall seeing one or two people, probably from the truck, in front of the car and I think they had an extinguisher with them. The flames were licking around the cracked grill and the gaps around the bonnet and the smoke was thick and a little acrid. I emptied my smaller extinguisher down low and at the base of the fire around the radiator grill but did nothing to stem the rapidly increasing inferno. Joe’s extinguisher, a little larger, was similarly emptied in seconds but the fire was by now raging under the bonnet.

About a minute or so had passed and with nothing but empty extinguishers in the car I ran back to see if there was anything else I could use in my boot.

A police patrol car arrived just then, crawling along the line separating the slow lane and the emergency lane. They must have been doing about 10 km/h and I waved frantically at them. As they drew abreast, I noticed the front passenger was on his walkie-talkie. I was screaming at them at this stage - obscenities were used liberally, loudly and with some gusto. I couldn’t believe these two cops were proceeding as if it was a Sunday School Parade. No sense of urgency, no rush, no apparent appreciation of the need for immediate action.

I ran past them back to the burning car just to see what else could be done. I left them rummaging in their boot… I have welder’s gloves in my car but I thought it best not to try and open anything up lest I unleash a hitherto oxygen-deprived beast.

At this point the cop who had been on the walkie talkie came up with a larger extinguisher and when he saw how large the flames had become, much to my astonishment he lay the extinguisher on the side of the road and proceeded to do other mysterious police duties. Like ask meaningless questions, talk more on his walkie talkie and walk up and down.

Around this time a motorbike-riding fire response officer came up, dismounted and began unravelling some strange contraption. This turned out to be a great device which seemed to shoot jets of compressed air out in order to starve the fire of oxygen.

As the evidently-trained authorities had arrived I took out my iPhone and started videotaping the next few minutes. Now watch the video and see for yourself why I would fire the lot of the police force.

At about 10 seconds, you see a couple of guys come up with yellow jackets and bearing extinguishers. No, not police nor firefighters. These two were from the official tow truck. They were obviously very panicky and tentative and discharged their extinguisher waaaayyy too far form the fire - someone should train these chaps I think. Whoever was in charge of training them should be fired too come to think of it.

Note how these guys are on the slow lane. Now, at this point, the traffic has not been blocked from this lane! Some idiotic driver in a world of his own and wondering why the left lane was so free and empty (and don’t we know there must be hundreds of drivers like this around?) could have barrelled along and run down these two Samaritans. Not to mention the one guy in uniform who seemed to know what he was doing.

The flames were way too big by this time of course and you can hear me say so in the video.
At this point what do you think the cops were doing? Directing traffic perhaps? Setting up warning signs? Well, from about 00:38 you can see for yourself.

And you can hear me incredulously suggesting they do something useful like ensuring traffic moves around smoothly and safely, and maybe ensuring there is space for the next lot of emergency vehicles to come in.

But no….. taking notes and checking with someone on the walkie talkie is a muuuuucccchhhhh better thing to do in an emergency.

As I am very pointed in my comments, I’ve thought it best to try and cover their identities hence the funny square in the video.

Yes, yes, at 1:00 I was making a note of the cop car number…. Incidentally you can see my car parked behind, with the boot lid up and the hazards flashing.

At about 1:10 you can hear the sirens of other response vehicles approaching. But no, they will have no cops to direct them in….

Instead they have a Land Transport Authority Officer (a Certis Cisco Officer you will note) pull up on his little Gilera 3-wheeler. A Rhino pulls up too - I presume the Rhino was travelling at the speed of the Gilera seeing as it appeared to have been escorted there by it. The firefighters spill out and although we later discover they pulled up too short, I think they did a decent job.

The second Rhino did better though I think.

Then a strange thing happens - at 2:13 the sirens get switched off. Is this standard procedure?

Considering this is a highway and there is traffic going past, and our two cops are still busy taking notes and talking on the walkie talkie, shouldn’t one siren be left on to alert cars? You hear me voice as much on 2:18.

The first Rhino is manoeuvred closer, the big engine begins to do what it does best, the LTA officer stands around relying the flashing lights of his Gilera to guide traffic along… At 2:35 you hear Joe hypothesising that the cops were waiting for the LTA officer or a Traffic Cop to direct traffic and you hear too my exasperated response saying the cops should have the training to do this.

At about 2:50 the mother of the driver and I start chatting. She too was puzzled why the first cop had not used his extinguisher or done more and had opined as much.

At 3:10 you see the LTA officer eschewing his more-visible and safer (considering the circumstances) helmet for a presumably comfier cap. Then at 3:15 you see there are now traffic cones laid out and cars are thus avoiding the area. What isn’t on the video is what I discovered later - the cones were not, as I had originally thought, placed by the cops, but by the tow truck guys. They also eventually moved their tow truck across the first two lanes to act as a stop and buffer in case someone came blindly barreling along.

What is also not shown on the video is our conversation with the LTA officer who came over to us and asked why we were there. Duh… I wished the lady all the best - she wanted my name but I thought that was not necessary and when she thanked us profusely I just told her to please help someone else if she were in our shoes and saw someone in need.

As for our two cops, I didn’t see them after one wandered off in the direction of the traffic cones.
I’m still both astounded and pissed off. It occurs to me now too that I’d heard neither of the cops ask the first question I’d asked the lady ‘Is there anybody trapped inside?’