LWE 17: 2020 Hindsight Pt 1

It was to be a landmark year and it started off well enough then it all came crashing down and years from now we will look back and say ‘I survived 2020’. At least those of us who did survive it will say so.

Many haven’t. As I write this, over 1.8 million didn’t make it past the year, 500 of whom were Malaysians. The vaccines are still months away for most so these counters won’t stop ticking over for some time yet. Perhaps at this time next year there will be quite a few people still who will say ‘I survived 2021’. 

Casting my eyes back though, and ignoring for a moment the metaphorical mass of the pandemic continuing to gallop along in a deadly chase, I do see that collectively as a people we have actually progressed. If nothing else, the crisis has exposed many flaws, lies and misconceptions, and stripped bare many images we have had of ourselves and the people around us.

America has probably been the most surprising - oh how the mighty have fallen!. That shining beacon of freedom and liberation denuded to reveal a framework of insatiable greed and shameless selfishness. Decades of Hollywood-fed images of bravado and derring-do cast aside as people could not only not survive a nuclear holocaust in their personal bunkers, they could not even handle breathing through a few thin layers of fabric.

OK, others much more eloquent than I have written about all that, so let me not walk in the shadow of those giants but instead trudge through a field of my own memories and pick out some of the things I have learnt, highlight some of the events that were significant, and mention some of the people who have made an impact on me in the last 12 months.

Here are some of my more significant memories of 2020.

A Different Chinese New Year

We decided to go down to Singapore for this new year. Mei’s dad was getting on and we thought it would be good if we spent this one with him. And we did, and had a great time. Mark, Megan and Michael were with us too - Megan being the big and very happy surprise as I had not seen my daughter in 2 or 3 years. 

The first day of Chinese New Year was unforgettable. Not only were we, and Mei’s siblings and their families there, but for the first time in many years other relatives turned up all at the same time so we could even grab a huge family picture.

The old guy was visibly happy and that was very nice to see.

It was the last time we saw him in person as he became very ill just a few months later, had an operation, failed to recover well, and then was gone.

We could not travel down due to the travel restrictions. At the time both countries required a 14-day home quarantine and we had no suitable place in Singapore, and Mei would not have been given permission to return to Malaysia anyway. So we could not be near as he went for his op, and could not even attend the wake and funeral. We instead had to make do with pictures sent by Mark and Michael who attended and were kind enough to think of us and to send us our only visual link with the proceedings.

The last holiday of the year, at the beginning of the year.

Well, OK maybe it wasn’t quite the last one but it was a big one. My Australian nephew Ashley got himself married in February and they had a Malaysian do as well as their Aussie one, as his wife CY had some family connections here. So the whole lot of them turned up in KL just as some of us did in Sydney the year before for niece Charmaine’s wedding. 

My brother Joe and his wife Hilda also trooped up to Penang to spend a few days here afterwards, as did my aunt Marianne (we call her Lai Koo as she’s the youngest sister of my late father) and my sister Margaret. Mei and I were thus busy running around taking them to see some sights, eat various local dishes and generally have a good time.

Mei and I had been in KL for the wedding and we drove back to Penang with Lai Koo and Margaret. The two ladies were pretty excited at the prospect of a ‘Road Trip’ even if it only took a few hours. And of course Mei and I were happy to play host in Penang. 

I’ve always been rather fond of my father’s youngest sister, and also of my own eldest sibling of course. The two are separated in years by just a little more than Margaret and I are, actually. And we all 3 share an artistic streak. Lai Koo and Margaret are both into quilting and were responsible for the beautiful and meaningful quilt I received in KL. This amazing piece was made from clothes worn by, or just material used by, my father, my mother, my aunts Marianne (Lai Koo) and Helene, my nieces Meilian and Melanie and Margaret herself too. The batik backing is from Lai Koo and the binding (the trimming piece) bicycle pattern was a brilliant personal touch. 

It’s not often that I receive such a deeply meaningful and personal gift and I was - and still am - very grateful indeed for the many hours of work that went into this. 

Taking family around, on the other hand, has never been hard work. Indeed it was an immense pleasure and I enjoyed not just taking Lai Koo and Margaret around but also getting to know my aunt a little better.

A few short weeks later, the Movement Control Order came into play and we were all stuck at our respective homes and Margaret had gone back to hers in Switzerland. Lai Koo was back in KL and at one point stressed out because her grandson was suspected of having contracted Covid-19. An anxious few days followed before it turned out the test had returned a false positive and the young man was cleared. During those few days though, Lai Koo and I were exchanging messages regularly and it was nice to be able to offer some comfort in difficult times.

Isn’t that one of the things family is supposed to be there for?

LWE Chapter 16: Sibling Birthdays - September

It was 1988. I had deferred my course in Australia and had already been in KL a few weeks to spend time with family while I continued to process Dad’s passing a few months earlier. My friend Andrew suggested that I could get some freelance work in Singapore through his contacts. Andrew and I both used Mac computers, a skill that was rare in those days, and Andrew reckoned I could use his Mac SE to do some stuff.

So I went down to Singapore to explore this opportunity. And I did actually find some work with a PR firm and a typesetting company (remember them?) and while working on the projects they gave me, I stayed with Andrew, Gan and Irene, all old schoolmates who were sharing a flat.

I would meet up with Tony every now and then and during one of those meetups, he asked about my plans and if I needed anything. I explained what I was doing, and talking through it made us realise I might have a slight cash flow issue so when he asked, I said yeah, 50 bucks would be good and would tide me over until I got some payments in.

He said he would sort that out but ‘give me a couple of days to cash a cheque’.

Many years later, we were chatting about some stuff and Tony made a comment about how tight he used to be in those days what with buying a flat and all that. And it was then I suddenly remembered that ‘give me a few days’ comment and the realisation dawned on me that he must have been quite tight indeed to need a few days to sort out $50. But he never said no, and readily set me up a couple of days later. He never hesitated to give, something he’s not stopped until now.

Chick Magnet. But not who you think it is.

When I was much younger, the sibling I spent the most time with was Tony. I never thought much about it in those days. I knew all his school friends, especially his closest friend, Hillary. ‘Hill’ who’d transferred from La Salle Klang to La Salle PJ for his 6th Form years, became a regular fixture in our house as they studied for their HSC.

Mum would sometimes try to open the door to Tony’s room early in the morning to wake him up for school or whatever, only to find the door blocked by the feet of a sleeping Hillary Fredericks who’d simply stayed overnight and slept on the floor.

Tony supporting me in everything I did... while keeping an eye on the chicks. This was taken in 1967 in Taman Jaya and sitting on the see-saw with me was my eldest sister Margaret. 

That's me with Tony. Big and Strong he said...

Tony is standing in between Dad and Margaret in the back row. Tony would soon shoot up to 6' and overshadow Dad.

For reasons I did not know or care about then, Tony and Hill would often bring 7-year old me along wherever they went. I think sometimes even they were not sure where they were going because I have a very clear recollection of once being in the back seat of Hill’s mini as he and Tony got to the Section 16 roundabout (which no longer exists) with no clear idea of where they wanted to go next so while trying to decide, Hill simply went around and around the roundabout. 7 times. I counted.

Tony would sometimes take me out on his own as well, and I guess that was partly so Mum wouldn’t have to worry about me. Maybe she should have because on one of those drives Tony was not 400 metres from our house, going around a corner when a guy on a scooter turned pit unexpectedly with the result Tony had his first crash, knocking the poor fellow into the drain.

Another time, I was kicking up a big fuss about a movie - was it Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? - as I knew it would have a preview and I wanted to watch it. Mum said I could wait until the movie had its actual airing a little later (this was the practice in those days) but I of course could not wait and kicked up a fuss ‘What if it never gets shown again?’ so in exasperation, she told Tony to bring me to the cinema. Which he did seemingly without complaint.

Some years later, I found out another reason why I was always tagging along with Tony and Hill. We were going through some old stuff left behind in the family home and came across a large birthday card Tony’s 6th Form schoolmates had made for him.

The card opened out to a page full of goodwill and congratulatory messages and in amongst them was a message from one of the girls. ‘Bring your cute little brother along again next time…’
It turns out I was being used as a chick magnet… I still feel so used… ha ha

Tony being stylish in a much-too-small jacket, standing next to a much more debonair long-time friend, Patrick Augustin. I know I have a few pictures of Tony with Hill, but could not find one.

Tony did his 6th Form in the early 70s and seemed to have such an exciting life. Besides being able to drive Dad’s car and take us around, he was always surrounded by friends, some of whom I know he keeps in touch with until today. And he was also always getting up to all sorts of mischief and nonsense.

The Trouble Magnet

In his teenage years, he may have attracted many friends - and with my help, some girls as well -  but when he was very young, Tony attracted trouble instead. Once, running around our garden, either chasing or being chased by our neighbour Sunny, he took a tumble and broke a flower pot. With his forehead. A deep gash saw my Mum rushing him to the hospital where the doctor announced he needed to put in a few stitches. A frightened young Tony grabbed Mum’s hand and said ‘Mummy, don’t look away - look at me, OK?’ So Mum did. She saw the needle go in once. Twice. On the third insertion, blackness descended and poor Mum fainted. So the doctor had suddenly to deal with both a frightened bleeding young boy as well as his unconscious mother.

Another time, he was cycling furiously down the road in front of our house one day, racing some of the neighbours. He was in the lead and at one point excitedly looked back to see how far ahead he was… and immediately crashed straight into a neighbour’s rubbish bin, upsetting it, and landing up in the drain with the bin and its contents all over him. The neighbour’s gardener came rushing over to extricate him. The neighbour was none other than Kee Huat of Kee Huat Radio fame and this is one fantastic fact we have to cherish...

Tony trying out my Foldie and not crashing.

In school, Tony must have maintained that habit of making a nuisance of himself and getting up to no good. Mum once said that Brother Lawrence, the headmaster of La Salle and a family friend, had a word with her and warned her that Tony needed to focus and if he continued to hang around with that Fredericks boy, he would surely do badly in his HSC exams.
I think he didn’t do too badly because after his HSC, Tony went to London where he did his articleship as he worked towards his Chartered Accountancy qualifications.

On one of the first days after I got to upper secondary in 1980, many years after Tony had left the school, I walked into the staff room to speak with my class teacher, Puan Basariah. Sitting opposite her was this buck-toothed Chinese lady teacher with horn rimmed glasses. She stared at me for a full minute then interrupted my dealings with Pn Basariah and interjected with ‘Here, boy… are you a Cheong?’
A little astonished, I replied ‘Yes I am.’
To which she asked ‘Are you Anthony Cheong’s brother?’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Are you the last of your brothers?’
‘Yes, I am’ I said for the third time. and with a hugely exaggerated sweep of her right arm across her forehead she exclaimed ‘Well, thank God for THAT!’

That lady was Mrs Wong Boon Chong and she had taught Tony, and would later teach me too, much to her dismay. The story goes that one day in her class, Tony, leaning back in his chair at the back of the classroom (where a few of us Cheongs liked to place ourselves), called out loudly to her as she taught ‘What did you say?’
Mrs Wong replied ‘I said “Shirt”. S-H-I-R-T, Shirt’
To which Tony responded with ‘Ohhhh I thought you’d said Shit. S-H-I-T, Shit…’ Unbeknownst to him, Bro Lawrence had sneaked into the classroom via the back door and was standing directly behind him, a wooden ruler in his hand. The moment Tony finished that last sentence, WHACK! that ruler smacked down hard on Tony’s head…

I had a lot to live up to in school, though truth be told, for all the mischief he got up to, all the teachers who’d known him were actually rather fond of him. He was especially close to Mr Subra, chemistry teacher and the head of the prefectorial board in which Tony had served. He had in fact run for Head Prefect and I remember a bunch of them… OK maybe Hill and him… making elections posters. Out of a field of 4, I think Tony finished third behind eventual winner Raymond Szetho and another friend Philip Ho. See? I told you I knew his friends.

Warwick Road, London, calling... errr... writing.

During his years in the UK, he was a much better correspondent than either Gerard or Joe were and we would regularly receive multi-page letters written on onion skin paper, sent from Warwick Rd, London SW5.

I used to read these and eventually Tony and I corresponded too. He was away quite a few years before his one holiday home.  On that trip, he found that we both shared an interest in photography and when he returned to London, he subscribed to a photography magazine and had the issues sent on to me. I learned a lot from those magazines and they were instrumental in giving me a good foundation in photography. See what I mean about giving?

Tony was eventually joined in London by Francis who also lived with him, until Tony qualified and returned, to work for Ernst & Whinney (now Ernst & Young) in Singapore.

This was in 1982 as I was preparing for my SPM exams. We still wrote, amazingly, as calls were expensive then. In one letter in May 1982, he urged me to do better than my trial exam results were suggesting I would do. ‘Even I didn’t do so badly in Form 5’ he said. As incentive to do better, he promised to subsidise the cost of a camera flash unit for me, if I got at least a credit in Malay (BM). My trial results were not encouraging in that respect, shall we say.

When the SPM results came out, I was one of the 3 best in La Salle for BM, scoring the highest grade the examiners saw fit to award a student of La Salle PJ, a C3, just below the Distinction grades of A1 and A2.

Tony, besides being someone I spent a lot of time with, was also sometimes my go-to guy if I needed to find out something. He always struck me as being knowledgeable and wise. I would even sometimes find myself using him as a benchmark when trying to do something new. And so I’d ask him everything from working out how to pronounce ‘resource’ (is it re-source or re-zaws?), to stuff about cars, or even emulating his sometimes sarcastic sense of humour. I looked up to him and tried to model myself a little after him in many ways.

Only Tony could pull this off...making three nephews kowtow for Angpows during Chinese New Year.

That would seem strange as Tony and I are very different people, generally. We do share a wicked Cheong sense of humour and we both reach out to help people, albeit in different ways according to our own resources - or re-zawses… But essentially we are quite different characters. I am flighty and a little reactionary, Tony is more measured and considerate. I can sometimes be harsh on people who don’t do the right thing, Tony is altogether more forgiving. I must admit that I have gratefully been on the receiving end of his generosity and non-judgement.

Tony’s birthday is on the 22nd of September and this was the date of my first wedding too. Tony and Seow Miang were there for the wedding and he was also a natural choice as godfather to my first son, Mark, 2 years after that.

10 years later, as I celebrated a decade of marriage with a divorce, Tony was there too. It was a very tough time for me as I was dealing with the tail end of the Asian Financial Crisis hitting us hard (I had to downsize the office and staffing) as well at that time. Kind of a double whammy.

Tony took his godfather role rather seriously and would take 8-year old Mark out every other week or so. On one of those outings, he asked Mark what he would like to eat and Mark said Pizza Hut. So off they went. They returned later and Tony, still wide-eyed with astonishment, told me Mark had polished off a whole pizza AND a lasagna all on his own…

I'll always be grateful for the effort made by Tony in keeping in touch with my kids.

Mopping around Boxes and Noodles by Cab.

In 2002, I had begun to move away from the Brand Communications work I had been doing and set up my own home office to do various choice projects and explore new things. I closed my regular office and with the divorce finalised, also finally moved some furniture from the jointly-owned flat to my new home in Siglap. The move was tiring. I had to sort out furniture and paraphernalia from both the office as well as flat, and ever the emotional one, was also struggling to deal with the changes in my life.

Tony rang one day and asked how things were. I told him the house was dusty and boxes were still piled up in the living room downstairs. He said he would come over to mop. I said it was pointless as it would get dusty again and anyway I could just continue to wear shoes downstairs, but he insisted and turned up the next day.

And we swept and mopped around the boxes. And it did make a difference. I could unpack in comfort and that was the day my new house began to be my home.

One event that sticks in my memory from around this time is how, after also disposing of my car and trying to make do without one for a few months, I got a bit worn out and fell ill a few times. I had known my fitness was deteriorating and in an attempt to keep active, both for my fitness as well as to stave off the effects of my Ankylosing Spondylitis, I had bought an Elliptical - a kind of a treadmill-cum-stairmaster. I was putting in some regular time on that and found out that before you get fitter, you will probably tire yourself out first. Which I did. All the walking and rushing about as well as the exercise had worn me out and I promptly fell ill a couple of times. Quite seriously too. On one occasion I even needed to get my doctor to come on a housecall.

It was one day during that bout that Tony rang - as he regularly did - to find out how things were. I found to my surprise that I was close to tears when I told him I was I was very ill again and could hardly get out. I hadn’t realised how frustrated I was until he called. He asked if I had anything for dinner and when I said not much, he said he was busy at work but he’d take care of that and buy me some soupy noodles and bring them over later.

As things turned out, Tony didn’t make it over. But the noodles did. Delivered by a very concerned taxi driver who made sure I got the noodles OK. Tony had booked a cab to send me the noodles he’d promised when he realised he was going to be late at work.

I took the packet from the taxi driver and got back in the house then almost burst into tears again. I was touched then, and recounting this story again after so many years, I am still touched by his kindness and his reaching out. As he always has.

Mei and I were in JB and Tony came over to meet us and Francis for lunch.

Tony examining his leech bites on our trip to Endau in 1998.

There are countless other instances when Tony’s generosity was in evidence. Besides being generous though, what I always found most admirable is how he combines that with an acceptance and non-judgement, offering advice and asking questions in the best mentoring and coaching tradition.
I think the best friends are those who make themselves available, who support you whether you’re up or down, and who don’t judge you on the choices you make but instead help you hone your ideas and refine your decisions so you can be as good as you can. You know you can always rely on them and you know too that you would readily do the same in return.

In this sense, I would think that my 3rd Brother is one of the best friends I’ve ever had.

Happy 65th birthday, Tony.

LWE Chapter 15: Sibling Birthdays - August

August is a month of 3 significant births - our nation, our family home, and my sister, Rosemary, a year after the first two. 

There are so very many stories that surround the life of my sister that I hardly know where to begin. I’ve even mentioned some of them here in this blog. But the one I think of most when I think of who she really is deep down inside is one I have never told anyone else. 

Rosemary was in her first job, and had just received her first pay packet. I remember we were in Asia Jaya Complex when she said she wanted to buy something for all of us. A single gift that we could all enjoy. This was in the late 70s and I later found out Rosemary’s pay was then some way below RM200 a month. Dad had for some reason only he knew, bought a stereo system for the house which had an 8-track player. Trouble is that we had no 8-track cartridges at all, so there we were in Asia Jaya, outside a record shop on the first floor when the decision was made to buy an 8-track cartridge.

I’m not sure who chose it but Francis ended up with an original 8-track cartridge of Linda Ronstadt’s Greatest Hits in his hand, waiting to pay. Rosemary asked how much it was and I remember it cost close to RM50. Rosemary gulped - it was, after all, more than a quarter of her entire month’s pay - but she took out a RM50 note and we took Linda Ronstadt home with us.

OK this is a CD cover but you try getting a nice picture of an 8-track cartridge of this...

And played the heck out of that cartridge. Silver Threads and Golden Needles, Desperado, That’ll Be The Day, Tracks of My Tears… the songs boomed out for weeks before we eventually got more cartridges.

Why do I think of this story, this seemingly innocuous incident? Well, it’s, in three short paragraphs, as good a picture of Rosemary as you will probably get. 

When we celebrated her 50th birthday with a huge garden party, scores of friends and relatives turned up. We created a theme ‘Everything to Everyone’ and all who saw that understood and agreed it aptly described Rosemary.

Ask almost anyone from Section 5 PJ, SFX Church, the Catholic community in the area, the scores of relatives the Cheongs have, even the Chen Moh School and Catholic High School (which her kids attended) staff and alumni, and they would nod in agreement too.

Rosemary has arguably touched more lives than any of us and in ways more personally significant than any of us have. When Dad passed away, Rosemary and Yap moved in to stay with Mum to keep her company. She was there all through Mum’s gradual decline, seeing to her daily needs. She was her medic, her nutritionist, her bather, her chauffeur to wherever she needed to go… and much more.
And she was so much to so many others too.

And so, rather than write about that, I decided to ask a few people instead. So here are what a few of our friends and relatives have to say about my sister, in their own words.

Marianne Rozario:

“Always ready and willing to lend a helping hand, often with nary a thought for herself.  That's Rosemary.”

Carol Rozario:

“Rosemary is a wonderful generous soul. Always thinking of everyone else.”

Carol had sent this to me only a few moments after I asked her and when I went ‘Wow, that’s fast!’ she replied:

“It’s easy to write cause she is all that and more!”

Dina Rozario:

"Rosemary.... a daughter, sister,  mother, auntie, cousin, relative and friend. Always cheerful, more than happy to give a helping hand and a beautiful person. Happy Blessed Birthday Rosemary. May you be blessed with abundant good health, joy, love and happiness!"

Rosemary and Yap on their wedding day.

Genieve Cheong:

“What do I remember the most about Rose? Rose is like the “Ghost Busters” only thing is she is not busting ghosts. The slogan befits her even till today as “Who do you call?”. She is one of the most warm-hearted and tenacious person I know. This is not just because she is my cousin but she is this way to everyone. Never a time will she decline to help if she can, nor make excuses to not want to give a helping hand even though she has so many things that need to be done or to look after her ailing mother, ferrying the children to and fro or having to run household errands. Her tireless attitude and selflessness is a shining example that all of us count on when there are things that need a hand.

My most memorable moments with Rose and one I am forever in gratitude off is when my own mom passed. Rose helped to arrange all the necessary funeral arrangements, prayer nights, food for the people who attended, mass in church and so so much more that it was uncountable. However most of all, she was the rock I held on to in my time of deepest sorrow. It was worse when I had to sort through my mother’s things but Rose understood and she did the most of the sorting out. I would never forget her kindness to me and my deepest gratitude. Continue being the shining light. I  would like so much to wish her a most blessed and happy birthday. That she would always be blessed with good health, lots of love and much wisdom in life.”

Elizabeth Rozario:

“Rosemary is selfless & kind, with a wicked sense of humour , which must be a Cheong trait ! She’s very good for a giggle when things get absurd”

Rosemary on the far right, being good for a giggle.

Caroline Wong:
Caroline had a few stabs at it and I attach all:

“Cousin Rosemary is v kind considerate person who was there for mum Auntie Mary” 

“Cousin Rosemary was v kind when my father passed on to help with the necessary funeral arrangements” 

“Cousin Rosemary was v generous when Uncle Paul contacted her to lend items used by Auntie Mary for my dad who was unable to move his legs after sudden discharge from Selayang Hospital” 

“Cousin Rosemary is always there with Yap for their children”

Angela Vincent:

“What I love in Rosemary is her beautiful, heatwarming smile and her quiet generosity which many a times goes unnoticed. My family is so, so grateful Rose for being there for us during dad's illness and at his passing. She helped mum in organising the renovations to the bathroom before dad's return home after the 2nd stroke and was with us prior to and thro the wake and after at dad's passing. she negotiated things with the undertakers which we coldn't do ourselves. We just had to mentiion something and it got seen too. most of all we treasure her presence and friendship in our lives. I thank God for Rosemary and pray for her with joy. Know this, Rose, the Lord loves you deeply and is constant in His affection for you.”

Yuen Kit May:

“Rosemary, good company and always willing to help when needed.”

And when I asked if she had personal experience of that, she replied: 

“You mean other than driving me around almost every day when I had my slipped disc last year 😃”

Lily Jane:

“Rosemary is a beautiful person inside and out with a big, loving and generous heart. I am very fortunate to call her my friend!”

Kar Im:

“She is committed in things she believes in and will be all out. Generous and giving nature n a protective mum.”

I asked her if she could recall any personal stories and she came back with a funny one:

“There was one incident at the primary school, whereby she got so irritated by the honking of car behind, she killed her engine and she Sat in the car n refuse to bulge at school dismissal time. The extra jam was hilarious n frustrating. She din care. I had a few calls from people who knew we were friends to call n cajole her. I did not want face her fury😱.”

“Yes, little things people take for granted. She will go pick Kim up to go church. She will pick me up n go for a drive as we do errands not ours sometimes just to catch up. Everything she does is selfless n beyond.

She keeps an eye on mariamah when she was ill. The house with the hole in the roof. She worries for the resident laments to me how to help them... The altar server, she is always there. Grab service for their outings.”

Peter and Cynthia Rozario:

“We are forever grateful to you for taking care of Ashley throughout her schooling days. There 's no sufficient words to say to someone who always gives and hardly ever takes. We wish you a very happy birthday and may you have more birthdays to come.”

Ashley Rozario:

“Happy Birthday Aunty Rosemary!The times I went to ur house after school and before, I could tell your actions and words we're full of genuine sincerity, you're a very helpful person and a very hardworking one too and I'm happy you have more time for yourself now, cheers for more years to come and thank you for taking care of me :)”

Marianne Vincent:
Marianne sent me an unfinished poem about my Mum and Rosemary and here is an excerpt from it which talks of Rosemary:

“Your daughter 

Helped us with big and small 

At the start, throughout, and at the end. 

And after the end.

It’s not only that she did small, everyday things 

(there’s nothing small about doing everyday things for ten years) 

Getting groceries, bringing food over and a thousand other errands.

She was also there to help us with big things: 

renovate the house before Dad got back home 

At the end, that final day, at 3 or 4am she was in our home 

discussing final arrangements, getting food after he passed away, being there with us 

when we talked to funeral director.”

I only asked a few people - those I could contact. There are scores more I could not contact. Some, sadly, are no longer with us:

My cousin Pauline suffered terribly from diabetes and the loss of limbs and the pain of dialysis, but most of all from the lack of fatherly affection in her time of need. Rosemary and her Mum were her shields as she suffered and when my Aunt also suddenly passed on, Rosemary remained steadfastly there to keep things going - she drove Pauline to dialysis twice a week, she made sure she had meals and proper medical care and more. Indeed, at the moment of her passing, Rosemary was there by her side. And even beyond - the one who made the necessary subsequent arrangements was Rosemary.

My aunts and uncles who have also passed on will have surviving family members who will say the same things of Rosemary’s contribution in their time of need:
“Rosemary organised everything”
“Rosemary sorted it all out for us”
“Rosemary was always there.”
“We couldn’t have managed without Rosemary.”
“She was everything when we needed help.”

So there you have it. In many ways, Rosemary is the perfect sum of my parents. Like my Dad, she quietly networks and knows not the Datuks and Tan Sris, but the people who make life happen. Want some medicines? She’ll call Tong Woh for you. Need to know if Jackson’s Burger is open? She’ll call Mr Han and find out. Want some food catered for a party? Rosemary will sort it out with Alice or whoever else. 

Like my Mum, she will explode in a fiery temper when she needs to. That story of her sitting in the car because some idiot could not stop honking is hilarious. But so Rosemary…
And the one thing both my parents did is care about people. And this, Rosemary does to the highest degree.

Someone said to me once that I am lucky to have Rosemary as a sister. I replied that we’re all lucky to have Rosemary in our lives. And she agreed.

Happy 61st birthday, Rosemary. Thanks for being Everything to Everyone.