LWE Chapter 9: My Dad could be a Badass

I first published this on Facebook in 2017 but as it’s Father’s Day I thought it’d be nice to republish it here.

Is your Dad a real badass?

My Dad never really lost his cool in public - or even at home as far as I can remember. There was one time, however, when I thought he came close but ended up doing something so cool I've never forgotten it.

It was a holiday period and my brothers were in town from overseas. We went for a walk to my Uncle's nearby, and spotted some coconuts trees growing by the drain outside someone's compound. We used to have our own tree in the garden and as my brother Joe had not had any in some time, we decided to come back later to pluck some.

Which we did.

Midway through our chopping away, a voice called out from the house 'What do you boys think you're doing?'

Cheongs are Cheongs, whether they've lived in Australia, England or Malaysia and so my brother, parang in one hand and a coconut in the other, calmly replied 'Chopping down coconuts.'

The lady of that house then launched into a tirade, accusing us of stealing, etc etc. We protested, saying the trees were on no man's land as it were. She said that land was hers and it was no business of ours whether she wanted to put a fence up there or not.

We offered to return the coconuts but she refused, saying she'd make sure we got in trouble, so we said 'Ok then.' took the coconuts and left.

Early the next morning that lady's husband came calling at our gate. It must have been 7am and he'd driven around the neighbourhood just looking for the car his wife had seen us drive off in. It was my aunt's car and was parked in our driveway so he came to complain to my dad, and he did so in a loud, boastful and arrogant manner.

My Dad explained that his sons (us) had not known it was his property, and had even offered to return the coconuts, but this chap went on and on. Dad listened then said, 'look, they're here from overseas and are returning later today, so let's not make a fuss OK?'

To which Arrogant Man said 'Overseas? If I'd known I would have called the authorities to stop them from flying off today!'

That was it. My Dad, calm as ever said 'OK. Do what you want. But right now you are standing on MY property. Please leave immediately or I shall call the police.'

And that was it. Boastful Man left immediately, matter never went beyond that, we still talk about the day we stole coconuts from Loud Man's compound.

I, alas, lack my father's equanimity. I think I take after Mum more.

Or Attila the Hun.

[Pic of coconut from https://www.istockphoto.com/my/photo/green-fresh-coconut-peeling-gm505065330-83486477]