LWE 18: Sibling Birthdays: October

LWE 18: Sibling Birthdays - October 

In 2019 I did a series of blog posts on my siblings, coinciding with their birthdays. I wrote about each in turn from March through September. I did miss one out though, my eldest sibling, my sister Margaret whose birthday it is today as I write this. 

To be honest, I got a little stuck with getting some words down and eventually I gave up altogether, leaving in the draft of this post a few scribbled lines and nothing very much else. Many months later, Margaret and I were chatting and the series was mentioned and it was Margaret who made the comment that when she left for England I was only 4 and thus we didn’t have so many years of shared memories together on which to write.

Or do we?

In a way, Margaret was the sibling I perhaps knew the least about, and yet felt the most connected to in many ways. We’re the farthest apart in age, and yet in many ways we’re the most similar.

Margaret left to do nursing in London when I wasn’t even yet 5. I have a smattering of memories from that time - of her long hair, a laughing voice, some singing. You know how it is when you are just a little more than a toddler and there is a seemingly larger-than-life character in the house, someone whose energy you somehow feel even if you don’t understand it?

Margaret was that. It was the 60s after all, bell bottoms and miniskirts, floral prints, music… and though I didn’t know anything about it all, even then there was something about my eldest sister that I found enthralling. 

International travel in those days was expensive and my parents sent their kids off to study, paid their fees and some of their living expenses and didn’t have any left over for their holidays home, so it was unusual that I got to see Margaret again about 3 years later when she returned for a holiday. My poor sister was terribly homesick and Dad and Mum scraped together the money for a ticket back and this turned out to be a good thing too for Margaret could see our grandmother one last time before Ma-ma passed away a few months later.

This was 1972 and I had just started schooling and although I have a few pictures of us from that time, the memories I carry in my head remain vague. 

Margaret before she left for London in 1969.

Margaret and I in 1972.

A couple of years later, and our world had changed dramatically. Margaret was now married to Ruedi Grünenfelder and living in Switzerland. The first of our siblings to be married, and to a charming chap who melted all our hearts. Not long after, I had my first niece, Meilian who is only 9 years younger than me.

As I grew older, my connection to Margaret grew closer. She wrote copiously and I know I replied though probably at a lesser rate. Being a pack rat, I have kept many of the letters, cards and postcards she sent and in this picture you can see that wherever I was - Drummoyne or Coogee in Sydney, Clementi, Geylang, Siglap or Bedok in Singapore or at home in PJ, and more recently here in Penang - my big sister kept in touch.

The more eagle-eyed among you will spot the myriad of addresses I have had in 3 countries.

I have kept many letters from family and friends and most share some space in little folders in a shelf. Margaret’s, though, share with no one - they fill a whole folder on her own and sometimes I dig up one or two and remind myself of the person I was then.

Letters are that, aren’t they? Little compact time capsules from the past which you can open and relive any time you want. And they don’t just remind you of the correspondent who wrote to you, but also of the person you were that was worthy of a missive, handwritten, sealed in an envelope and posted from miles away. 

Beyond letters though, Margaret also sent things. One of the earliest things she sent me was a colourful paper advent calendar whose windows I opened without really understanding what they were, knowing only that this multicolour, patterned and illustrated piece was fascinating.

We also used to get parcels shipped from Switzerland, loaded with goodies among which were Swiss Torte which we all loved. She also sent books. At one point she asked me what I was reading and though I was only 12 or 13, I remember replying that I was reading Solzhenitsyn - I had just read and enjoyed One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch. So in the next parcel I received copies of Cancer Ward, Stories and Prose Poems and The Gulag Archipelago all of which I devoured. Indeed these parcels were magical brown cardboard packages containing valuable gifts, sealed with tape and bearing the notices, stamps and marks of a foreign land. 

Margaret was always a very creative person. She’d studied the piano when young and over the years turned to art and craft. She painted, sewed and quilted. And as I moved into the commercial arts, our paths grew even closer and we had more to share.

The most beautiful and amazing gift I have ever received. This quilt was made by Margaret and our Aunt Marianne and it is made from clothes and other material worn by people in our lives including my father.

It has a nice personal touch too.

And when she and Ruedi went their separate ways some years ago, our life journeys converged even more.  And this is when I began to realise that we were after all, very similar people. Strongly motivated to help others, a little set in our ways, very supportive of friends and family, and also led by our emotions. Both of us have kept to the Cheong tradition of not being able to keep quiet when we see that things are not right. Age may have taken the edge off that last attribute though I think… thankfully.

Divorce is not an easy process. One can divorce oneself of the encumbrance of an energy-sapping relationship but it is not so easy to divest of the emotional investment we have put in and it was because of this that Margaret and I had many conversations and exchanges. We almost always climb out of the holes we find ourselves in and often this process is helped by caring friends and family so as I had done, so too did Margaret.

Not long after I got married again, Margaret, Mei and I went on holiday to Hanoi where my good friend Ray lives. It was the first time in a long time that my eldest sister and I had been on a holiday at the same time and place and the first time we had actually gone together. It was a completely enjoyable holiday, one where we both discovered that despite our apparent intractable personalities, we were both rather easy going in many ways. 

Margaret and Mei shopping in Hanoi.

Braving the chaotic traffic to cross the street in Hanoi.

Sitting down to dinner.

Walking down past one of the many lakes in Hanoi.

More shopping in Hanoi.

Mei and I visited Margaret in Switzerland a few years after that and we did a whirlwind few days where we did or saw all the stereotypes. On one particular day, we took a bus, a train and a ferry, walked up a mountain, heard and saw alphorns and cows with bells and generally just had a lovely time with family we loved and felt completely and utterly comfortable spending time with. 

With my nieces Melanie and Meilian.

On our hike up a mountain, with Maurus (Melanie's then boyfriend) and Meilian.

Don't ask me why we were all pulling faces - it seemed like a good idea at the time.

In 2015, Margaret did the reverse and visited me in my new home here in Penang. I was going through a bit of a funk and though we had a lovely time, she also was a listening ear just as she had been 15 years earlier, though under different circumstances.

In between those trips, we did see each other very often, even in Singapore. Our mother’s health was deteriorating, her body and mind ravaged by Parkinson’s and Dementia, even as her spirit remained strong. Margaret made frequent trips to KL where she brought her nursing and geriatric care experience to bear, helping take some of the pressure off our sister Rosemary and her family who were Mum’s primary healthcare providers.

With Rosemary and Mum in PJ.

Visiting us in Singapore. This is in the Bussorah Street area.

Tucking into a hearty Big Breakfast at my Pedal Cafe in Penang.

Chinese New Year in PJ.

With Tessie and our sister in law, Hilda. Again, I have no idea why Margaret was pulling a funny face. Her Cheong blood I guess...

My eldest sister recently became a grandmother and we get videos and pictures of her and little Ines. And this is probably where she and I differ the most - I must admit I am hopeless with babies and toddlers. Yes I know I have 3 kids… Margaret, on the other hand is the doting grandmother through and through, with oodles of patience and love. 

Thinking about it, this is Margaret. Though often sociable and loud in that very Cheong way, she can also be quiet and pensive. She is caring for others yet also protective of her own wellbeing. Creative yet also happy to indulge in the creativity of others. Through it all though, Margaret has always been there for all of us. All of us in the family have a story of how Margaret has reached out to us and smoothened our rough waters, none more so than me.

And it is on this note that I wish my sister a truly Happy Birthday. If each day of her coming year were filled with even a tiny bit of the love and care she has heaped on us through the years, it will be a very happy year indeed.